07/21

02:00


 I never understood, untill now, how people older than me, could just casually drink a glass of wine during the day with no special occasion being the reason. Untill I grew up, I thought the purpose of wine or any type of alcohol, was to get drunk. So when I saw my family and older friends drinking it for no reason kinda confused me. Though the more I get closer to the big 3 0, the more I seem to enjoy the stuff I didn't exactly know how to appreciate the right way when I was younger.
The taste gets better with age, as Jake Gyllenhaal does, or better yet, it expands your taste limit. Just for a "fun" fact, this week I bought myself a Brie cheese, a cheese I could never get even close to my mouth before, and I finished it, by myself, in less than two days! It's all I could eat from now on. Seriously, bring on the Brie cheese!

Did you ever believe your parents when they said stuff like, you will do just the same as me when you grow up, and just wait untill you get older? Well I do, and my anwser was always the same: "I will NEVER do/say that." And look at me now, sitting in our backyard, with wine in one hand, struggling to write with another, with nothing but cheese on my mind. The joke is on me baby!

All of the above is a strong indictator that I'm getting old as fu#k. That and the fact that I recently discovered that my closet is no longer divided in casual section and night out/party section. My closet is now all casual with a taste of activewear section, so now even if I'd wanted to go clubbing, I basically can't even go. The bright side of this, probably nonsense, fact is that I really don't feel like clubbing right now. Low get-together with, ofc, wine and some cheese (haha) is my kind of party. That and hangouts in the city, spontaneous nights that turn into the best memories.

In exactly a month, I'm getting one more step closer to the 3 0, so just as a reminder, to my future husband, now it's really the time to come and find me.

Untill next time!
xxo

A LITTLE LIFE

11:09



Summer lovin', happened so fast..
(can't get this song out of my mind for the whole day! haha)


//

 Soooo, I finally got to finish a book that's already been talked about A LOT last year, and even though I showed up a bit late to the party, I'm definitely not sorry I came anyway. Here's the thing, you either love it, or you hate it. I've gathered that by reading/ watching multilple reviews afterwards, and I can, after reading it, see why. The book is called A little life, by Hanya Yanagihara.

 Last few pages of the book were the hardest pages to read out of all the books I have read to this day, but strangely so, were also the most liberating pages. Liberating in both as you can understand Jude's decision at the end, respect it kinda, and it also liberates the reader emotionally. The book drags you deep in all the characters, especially, and mostly, Jude's, and it makes you feel everything his life made him feel. It's draining, extremely hard, but at few, unbelievably touching moments it trigers happines, hope and tingles all over your body. It makes you smile, laugh even, but it mostly makes you cry.
It's sad to know that people, strangers actually, have the power to make someone feel unworthy and make them believe that they are ugly, unlovable and not deserving of happines of any kind. As a child, what you are told, is likely what you'll grow up believing, and even though life somehow, one day manages to push you in the more positive environment, it's hard to change your mind. After experiencing so many bad things, over and over again, I can completely understand how even knowing you're on the better, healthier side now, you can't convince yourself fully, or at all, that you are worthy of way more that you've been told so.

Jude, the main character makes you fall in love with him. He's the most generous, inteligent and beautiful (I can imagine) figure who has infinite love and respect for his friends, but is just not capable accepting the same from others because of the bad people he was forced to be around with untill way too late in his life.

I didn't know what I was getting myself into buying this book, because I bought it based on the cover, but 700 and something pages long book was definitely the best book I've ever read. I highly recommend it.

Everyone deserves to be loved and treated with respect. Is abuse something we can ever win at stopping? It frustrates me that there's so little to be done of preventing it and so many great souls are damaged because of it.

Untill next time.

xxo

90's K I D

12:10


 It's was of those Sex and the city and Pinterest kinda days, and besides sliding trough pages and pages of cool things I yet have to diy, dym (do it Myself), recipes I need to try and pinning countless style inspirations in my file, I've been thinking a lot about my earlier teenage years and about that, je ne sais qua feeling, that especially in the summer, I can't seem to shake feeling and thinking about. 


I did write that, I still think the same, but as I'm feeling nostalgic and all, I'll give it a try.

Spoiler allert. It's the best kind of feeling, that's for sure. 
It's a warm feeling, that homey feeling you have when everything is how it's supposed to be, and even if things are not quite there yet, in that moment, that feeling gives you life. It assures me that I'll get there, and have that constant feeling once I do. I bet it might sound strange, but when that feeling overfloats me, I think of lakes, summer, Texas, ranches, playing as a kid with my brother and cousins, New York, open air festivals,..all adverse when put together, but all so compatible in one way.

You know what I used to looove back in my growing up? Magazines. I couldn't always afford it, obviously, since I was a teenage girl with minimum to absolutely none income (funny now, definitely not funny back then), but my mom would almost every month, when the new issue came out, suprised me and with my own copy, which I was probably overly excited about, and made sure I kept all the issues of all magazines for years somewhere in my room because that was soo cool back then. Fansy overpriced books that just lay there untouched on a coffe table? Not cool. (though#sorrynotsorry, I'll definitely have one now). Magazines were a window to the world, and I devoured every word, every article and the next day in school, me and my friends would talk about things we had read and posters we've glued to our walls. There were so many things I first found out about in those magazines and I miss reading about new things in todays magazines. I miss being excited about something you have to wait a whole month to see what's inside, what they'll come up with and then going over pages again and again, seeing what you already saw, but still on edge to find something you've maybe missed.

If that explains any better, a touch of a feeling I get these days. The feeling a new magazine gave me so many years ago. (12 years ago counts as many years ago, right? (looking aside with a finger on my chin emoji))

Listening to Khalid, Lana Del Ray and Rihanna's American Oxygen all give me that warm fuzzy feeling. They all bring back my teenage memories and make me excited about making new ones. 

Do you ever get a certain feeling over and over again? The hardly explainable feeling that lights up your mood even when you're not feeling the best? I'd love to hear what triggers that feeling in your days, and what does it compare to?

Until very soon,

xx

A R O

09:55



 There are no words powerful enough to describe the feeling you have when you lose a loved one. No words can make you feel better, and there is not enough time in the world that could make it go away. You learn to live with it, life makes you suppress the pain, but whenever you stop, just for a second, it all comes back.

I guess it's different with each person, the way we deal with things, but I was never good at it. Not that it's a thing you can be good or bad about, but if it were, I'd be the worst at it.
I never understood the way of life. Why there has to be and end for everything?
Why can't our eternity be here, on Earth?

Yesterday I lost my pet, my best friend of 16 years and can't believe that I'll never see him again.
We did everything together. We were each other's best company. Because of him I got up early in the morning, because of him I learned to love woods and nature again, because of him I didn't feel alone. When we went for a walk, he was always making sure I was behind him, and when he got weaker, I was doing the same. He never left my side. He loved belly rubs and he always made me hold one of his legs so I wouldn't miss a spot. He loved his tennis ball and I always had to trick him so he would let it go. I was always laughing when he fell on the same trick over and over again. I already miss him so much. I miss him greeting me when I come home. I miss running in the woods and I miss us just laying in the sun. I'll miss his stinky smell on a rainy day, and I'll miss saying last good night to him forever.

It would make me so happy to have him again, but I'm happier knowing he's not in pain and that he was with the people who love him the most in his last moments.

Somethings are irreplaceable, and he, Aro, is one of them.
Love you forever buddy <3

#13reasonswhy

23:15


written 4/19; published 4/20 because I am apparently an old lady who goes to bed early


Today is the day where I could just lay in my bed all day and cry. Do you ever get one of those days?

About an hour ago I watched the last episode of the new Netflix show, 13 reasons why, and even though the issue about bullying has been in front of us for quite some time now, I still didn't take it well. The show is amazing and it speaks loudly about the ugly part of what goes on in schools, particularly at the age where everything alone is the hardest to deal with and it's a perfect display of how nobody/nowhere/ever trully knows what's going on in someone's head and how little things can figuratively and literally kill that someone. The hardest thing about watching this show is knowing, or better put, reminding us how much of bullying and abuse is still happening on daily bases and it's scary to know it's probably never going to end.

Like no one is born racist, no one is born an asshole either, but the're taught to be.

Don't be an asshole.

Don't do shitty things to people just because you feel like that will make you cool. Don't spread rumors for fun. Don't be mean dude! Not everybody is as strong, and even if they were, who are you to judge?

It's easy to get all that when you grow up. You've lived some, you've learned some.
At the age of 15+, it's harder to get how some innocent joke could damage someone. You're just having fun right? Teenage years are emotionally the worst I think. So many new things, feelings to deal with, and the last thing we, you, need at that time is for someone to point out our fears or emotions because it's what makes them feel better.

In a world full of Bryce's and Marcus'es, be Clay Jensen! Oh Clay, I feel in love with his character.
I need myself a Clay.

I had a pretty sucky day today, such a sucky day, but at the end we need to look on the bright side of life, right? Here are MY #13reasonswhy I get up every morning..

1. F O O D (obiously *eyes roll*)
2. my family & friends
3. my pretty little, The cutest dog ever
4. striving to get where I want to get (and having fun in between)
5. cool shows and movies
6. having drinks with friends in the city and getting unintentionaly drunk
7. tanning and swimming on hot summer days
8. saving up $$$ to see the world (soon  )
9. saving up $$$ to go visit my brother
10. saving up $$$ to go see my best friends who decided to live in another f*cking states far away
(*huge eye roll*)
11. having silly spontaneous & carefree days
12. reading a book and making plans of writing my own one day
13. family & friends (because its ultimately why we live for, those two )

+

14. (because you know..) the super cute guy I still get to rest my eyes on and day dream about (that sounds so pathetic I know)

What makes YOU get up in the morning?

If you haven't alreadly, go and watch 13 reasons why!

Talk to you soooon, xx

TEACH ME SOMETHING BABY

02:45


 I was just about to finish this ass long article about how I feel in my body, and what I'm trying to do to get myself in shape, but then I realized that I, myself, wouldn't be interested in reading about something like that, and then I tought, why would you be?

Well you wouldn't. I've got nothing to share that hasn't already been shared in all the newspapers and on every social media possible, so why even. Plus it was more of a self pitty kinda article really, so we're both lucky it didn't make it online.

So instead of that, we'll have a different kind of a pitty party.

Just kidding.

Lately I've been having some serious interest in learning something new and updating my brain box a bit, just so it doesn't completely rust. I read books and lots of different articles online, I try to keep up with what's going around the world at the moment, but that's not really a learning experience you could benifit from, so I'm in the search for something more rewarding. If I had the time on my hands, and the money because I imagine that kinda stuff cost hella lot, nothing would make me happier than to attend an writing course, but that's not an option for the time being.
Right now I'm working at a job that doesn't really allow me to express that much, I have no need, nor an ability to learn more or even grow in any way possible, and if you've been in this type of situation, you know if you don't make a change, you'll fall asleep and like with everything, it's harder by day to wake up and that just suuuuucks. You feel me?

I did some quick research while I was having a snack break and I found a few Universities that actually offer free online writing courses and that really got me excited! I need to explore it a bit more so I see how the whole thing works, but I think it's just what I need! Plus it's free, so that makes me and my credit card very happy.

Not attending University was a decision I still fully support I made and it was for sure one of the best ones I made, but I do miss the whole learning experince, not necessary learning maths or physics, but you know, sitting down, reading, repeating out loud, using rainbow markers and constantly learning something new. There comes a point in our lives where it's only natural we stop learning, or at least it reduces significantly, not because we would want it to, but because we're busy with so many other things that live throws in our way. But than there comes another point in life, when we want more, and we take some time to upgrade where we feel like it's the best.

Such a moody weather today, but I kinda like it. Here I am, sitting wrapped in a pink blanket in the middle of our garden paradise waiting for my friend to arrive so we can go through what has happened over the weekend.

Have a nice Tuesday everyoneeee!!