BEAUTIFUL NIGHTMARE

00:21


 I could stay under hot shower drops, sliding down my body for days, thinking about the dreams I just woke up from. Not often it happens to me, but when it does, it sorta haunts me, as if having bad dreams is somewhat better than having good ones.
You see, when it comes to dreams, it's easy comparing them to memories. In time, bad memories go away, and the good ones are keept forever. As it should be, but when it comes to my dreams, the good ones are usually about the things I had, but for various reasons will never have again. So because of that, I'd take bad over good dreams anytime.

 You know what type of dreams I'm talking about, right? That good dreams that get you feeling all the feels, the ones where you can literally feel happines bursting out of your body. That genuine happines. Then you wake up, and cry in the shower.
Ok, minus the cry, having such vivid dreams about something you subconsciously wish for, really sucks to have. It's like eating a piece of heavenly chocolate, and then not having the chance of finishing it. But worst.

I've read a lot about learning to controll your dreams, but I'm not sure I've got the patience to try it, as it takes a lot of your time and, well patience, which I lack of. Sue me.
On the other hand, there's also a bit of macohist inside me, enjoying the pain, and as I'm kinda used to it, I can't just let it go. It's strange how we don't seem to shake off some habits or even people just because we feel at home with it. Even if it's bad, that homey feeling somehow makes it better. Only it doesn't, but it's the change I feel we fear even more and that's why we stay.

But overall, I think I'll have to learn to try and controll them, because it's just not normal, number one, having so many bad dreams that I do, and second of all, I need to have good dreams in general. Not just about things that make me sad when I wake up. Why can't I just have normal dreams like normal people do?

//

Oh, and good morning to you.

Have a great start of the week! :) 

É C R A S E R

08:58



C R U S H - a burning desire to be with someone who you find very attractive and extremely special.

I think you're kinda cute. We've never talked, but I talk about you a lot. This may come across a bit weird since we don't actually know each other, but at the end of the day pigeons are even weirder.

What it is, is that I love, love, looove to make up little stories about the person I am crushing over, and I start doing that just about the second after I meet them. Or see them, him, in this case. Not that I want to go so far, but my mind literally starts planning so much as our funerals after our happily life together and I can't seem to control it. Nor I don't think I want to honestly.
The funny part is that most of these so called crushes I potentially see myself with, don't even make it so far as going on a date, and that's ok, because you know what? Making up those stories is fun. It keeps my mind sane, and I need a break from all that mess that's up there sometimes (read that - most times). I'm young and all, but we're all going trough so much in our lives, and not all is great all the time, so when it's not, I like to take my mind on vacation. That is untill those stories will become a reality. But even then I don't think I'll ever completely stop.

Do other people do that too? Making up scenarios about people, or just stuff in general in their minds? Because I do that a lot, but right now I can't think of one of my friends that does the same. Or they don't talk about it. Maybe. Probably?

I in generally talk too much about everything, but it's like it is with my mind. I don't, nor would want to have control over it. Ok maybe sometimes. Do you think I should control it? I probably wouldn't even if you'd wanted me to. Hashtag: gibberish.

All this daydreaming just reminded me that I need to go see the new Beauty an the Beast movie. I bet it's magic. I loved the original animation, so I can't wait to see what they did for the movie!

Just now that I undid my bun, I was also reminded that I need to wash my hair and get that smoke/alcohol smell of yesterdays night out of my way.
And on that note, I wish you all a lovely Sunday and to you, dear current crush of mine, if we ever meet, I hope you'll never know that in my mind we're probably already married. #sorrynotsorry

MON - SUN

11:44


 If there's one thing for sure by looking at these outfits, you can clearly tell I'm all in Spring time already. Leather jackets, light coats, ankles on display..well the last one I can't seem to shake no matter the season or cold. But just as I got in all Spring mode, guess what? It started snowing! So innapropriate. It's almost all melted away two days later, but still.

As I kinda neglected the fashion part of my blog for some time now, nor I'm into whole photoshoots of my outfits as I used to be, I thought it would be nice if I at least tried to capture my outfit everyday in a week and share it with you at the end of it. I do it on Insagram more often, but still not everyday. So for all of you interested, today I'm sharing outfits of this week. Well from Wednesday on, because I got an idea about it, well, on Wednesday. Duh.
//

This week was pretty fun. Mostly because I got few days off work and got to catch up on my baking, hanging out with my friends and just relaxing like I did before I had to become an adult. You feel me right?

It's Oscar night tonight, actually Oscar morning where I live, and each year me and my friends meet up, watch the last Oscar nominated movie we haven't all seen and then it's SHOOOOW time!! Usually we drink some wine, eat some food and play some games during red carpet ..but pretty soon, we play a game of who can stay up longer and actually watch the whole show! Haha..it always starts soo late here, around 3:30AM, and it's really hard to keep our eyes open. But there are so many great movies nominated this year and I just have to see who'll win! We also have the ballot every year, and since I've watched pretty much all of the movies, plus I have a great feeling about who will win, I think I'll get the most points this year! haha

If you ask me, Moonlight and Lion should be the big winners of the night! And Michael Shannon for his amaazing work in Nocturnal animals! Hopefully.

That's it from me today guys, check out my weekly outfits down and talk to you pretty soon! xxo


W E D N E S D A Y


Massimo Dutti leather jacket // H&M sweater ( my faaaave right now) // Calzedonia fishnets & leggins

T H U R S D A Y


turtleneck Zara // Max&Co. coat (Lili&Roza) // Calzedonia pants

F R I D A Y


H&M sweater // Imperial pants // Max&Co. shoes // Twinset jacket

S A T U R D A Y


Massimo Dutti leather jacket // Zara dress // Calzedonia tights // H&M booties

 S U N D A Y


Oysho leggings, shirt // Nike sneakers

I WANNA BE DRUNK WHEN I WAKE UP..

00:51


...no, not really.

//

Hot cacao in my hands? Check ✓
Clean desk? Check ✓

Let's go..

You know what sucks? Having three glasses of wine and being on a literall verge of drunk AF.
Like, when did that happen?

It's been quite some time since the last time I went out partying, and by that, there's also been quite some time I consumed a bit more alcohol, which is why I probably get so easily drunk these days. I know what you might think; lucky you, you don't have to spend so much money on alcohol when you go out. Well no. It's quite embarasing actually. Here's why:

1. I get lazy eye soon after finishing first glass
2. I get super chatty after second glass
3. I have to stop drinking after glass n. 3 because I'm just not the same level as everyone else I'm just having a casual mid-week dinner with
4. just because, 3 glasses? Really? *rolling eyes*

..I feel I could go on, but you can clearly tell that's not normal. It especially sucks when I'm on a date (not that I date that much, but it happens..), and I'm nervous and I already have to think about so many things, I then also have to think about keeping my eye as open as I can, I have to make sure I don't start babbling too much... You know, just first dates struggles intensified by a milion.

But overall, wine is so much fun. I love that it makes me laugh even harder, I love how easy it makes me feel, I love how everything around kinda goes away and you're in the big bubble with your friends having the best time and not giving a fuck about anything.
Yes, I realize I just described first stage of drunkenness, but it's the best stage. Everything after that is just whatever.

Oh how I've changed. I used to live for the weekend night outs and getting smashed. Now when I get drunk, it's usually unplanned and unintentional. I feel like the faze of going out and all will kick me again for sure, but for right now, I prefer more low key parties and hang outs with friends.

It's my day off today my friends and I'm about to hit the city for a coffee! Much needed! xxo

JUST SHOOT ME ALREADY

11:36



Dear Cupid. You're stupid.

It's been exactly 26 years, 6 months and twenty something days that you clearly haven't thought about me, much less decided to make me one of you targets. Shame.

Maybe your arrows are limited per year, but hey man, 26 years?

I don't know why exactly, but there were a few people in my life that have been stunned when they heard I'd like to be in a relationship, and even more stunned when I told them I want a family.
I've been wishing for a family of my own for such a long time, and my desire for kids is kinda unexplainable. If you know me for real, you know that's something I hope for and most frequently talk about. You would also know that by reading my blog. Just saying.

So why is it some people get the impression I want none of that? Is that what Cupid thinks to and that's why my love life is how it is? As in non exsisting at all?
But in all seriousness, how can you tell that by just the looks of me? You judgy motherfucker.
I do believe I seem a bit unapproachable, I've also been told so, but it's not like I can change my face. Anyways, Cupid, I think it's time to hook me up. I'm really nice, I swear.

Despite being single on every Valentine's day, I still love the idea of this holiday and I love to celebrate it. It's cute, plus is just another excuse to buy something new and drink few glasses more with no regret.

Yes you should express love each day and bla bla bla, but as if you and your partner do that everyday. As if he buys you flowers all the time, as if you buy new lingerie and surprise him, and AS IF you still have sex all the time. There are a lot of couples that maintain that on daily, or at least weekly bases but I'm afraid there are even more couples that don't. You see, I think Valentines day is a nice reminder to catch up on all the things you wanted to, but forgot to do prior 2/14.
Where's the harm in that?

It is a super commercialized holiday sure, but so it's Christmas and there are thousands of beautiful memories we hold of that day. As we do of many other days yes I know, but you see where I'm going?

My Valentine's days are different every year, always fun and sweet (as in chocolate sweet), but I really look forward of spending it with someone who I could flash my new lingerie to.
Hearing this stupid Cupid?

What do you think about Valentines' day? Love it, hate it, ignore it?

Talk to you soooon, xx

1/31

14:00


 There is only one hour left of January and with that, I hope there will be an end to my bad hair and skin days. My skin has been super annoying this month and then so was I everytime I looked myself in the mirror, and I don't like to be annoying.

Besides bad skin, January was pretty fun. Pretty fun in a way that it went by in a blink of an eye, in a way I got some very excited news about my future ( VERY near future I hope) and in a way I just feel good about it.

I don't have much to say today. It may or may not have something to do with me. With me in the mirror. Haha just kidding, I'm just super tired and ready to hit the bed! Talk to you soooooon, xxo