BEAUTIFUL NIGHTMARE

00:21


 I could stay under hot shower drops, sliding down my body for days, thinking about the dreams I just woke up from. Not often it happens to me, but when it does, it sorta haunts me, as if having bad dreams is somewhat better than having good ones.
You see, when it comes to dreams, it's easy comparing them to memories. In time, bad memories go away, and the good ones are keept forever. As it should be, but when it comes to my dreams, the good ones are usually about the things I had, but for various reasons will never have again. So because of that, I'd take bad over good dreams anytime.

 You know what type of dreams I'm talking about, right? That good dreams that get you feeling all the feels, the ones where you can literally feel happines bursting out of your body. That genuine happines. Then you wake up, and cry in the shower.
Ok, minus the cry, having such vivid dreams about something you subconsciously wish for, really sucks to have. It's like eating a piece of heavenly chocolate, and then not having the chance of finishing it. But worst.

I've read a lot about learning to controll your dreams, but I'm not sure I've got the patience to try it, as it takes a lot of your time and, well patience, which I lack of. Sue me.
On the other hand, there's also a bit of macohist inside me, enjoying the pain, and as I'm kinda used to it, I can't just let it go. It's strange how we don't seem to shake off some habits or even people just because we feel at home with it. Even if it's bad, that homey feeling somehow makes it better. Only it doesn't, but it's the change I feel we fear even more and that's why we stay.

But overall, I think I'll have to learn to try and controll them, because it's just not normal, number one, having so many bad dreams that I do, and second of all, I need to have good dreams in general. Not just about things that make me sad when I wake up. Why can't I just have normal dreams like normal people do?

//

Oh, and good morning to you.

Have a great start of the week! :) 

É C R A S E R

08:58



C R U S H - a burning desire to be with someone who you find very attractive and extremely special.

I think you're kinda cute. We've never talked, but I talk about you a lot. This may come across a bit weird since we don't actually know each other, but at the end of the day pigeons are even weirder.

What it is, is that I love, love, looove to make up little stories about the person I am crushing over, and I start doing that just about the second after I meet them. Or see them, him, in this case. Not that I want to go so far, but my mind literally starts planning so much as our funerals after our happily life together and I can't seem to control it. Nor I don't think I want to honestly.
The funny part is that most of these so called crushes I potentially see myself with, don't even make it so far as going on a date, and that's ok, because you know what? Making up those stories is fun. It keeps my mind sane, and I need a break from all that mess that's up there sometimes (read that - most times). I'm young and all, but we're all going trough so much in our lives, and not all is great all the time, so when it's not, I like to take my mind on vacation. That is untill those stories will become a reality. But even then I don't think I'll ever completely stop.

Do other people do that too? Making up scenarios about people, or just stuff in general in their minds? Because I do that a lot, but right now I can't think of one of my friends that does the same. Or they don't talk about it. Maybe. Probably?

I in generally talk too much about everything, but it's like it is with my mind. I don't, nor would want to have control over it. Ok maybe sometimes. Do you think I should control it? I probably wouldn't even if you'd wanted me to. Hashtag: gibberish.

All this daydreaming just reminded me that I need to go see the new Beauty an the Beast movie. I bet it's magic. I loved the original animation, so I can't wait to see what they did for the movie!

Just now that I undid my bun, I was also reminded that I need to wash my hair and get that smoke/alcohol smell of yesterdays night out of my way.
And on that note, I wish you all a lovely Sunday and to you, dear current crush of mine, if we ever meet, I hope you'll never know that in my mind we're probably already married. #sorrynotsorry