Everyone that knows me, knows that I'm a nervous person as fuck. There's not a day that goes by without me being agitated by something or someone. Definitely not something I'm proud of, but that's a part of who I am, and maybe by the end of this article, it won't sound as bad as you might think it is.
Again, not something I'm proud of, I hopefully will change that in the future, but I get annoyed SO fast by the little things that in no way would make any difference if they take a bit longer than I, for some case expect them to take. It's normally something that passes quickly, like when I'm driving in a car, probably every second car pisses me off, but as soon as I move past them, I forget about it and move on with whatever mood I was in before that idiot, that shouldn't have a drivers licence in the first place, crossed my path. So that's most times.
Every now and then though, I get so nervous I could just break down and angrily cry.
There is nothing in the world that calms me down at that moment. Those moments appear more and more lately. The main reason is probably because I'm so damn tired of looking for jobs in this hopeless city, I'm tired of the whole process and I'm feeling kinda pressured that in couple of months, I will have to do something I promised myself I would never do. Settle.
Settle for a job I won't like, but will have to take because I'll have no other option. I know I shouldn't be picky, especially now when the whole situation with jobs is worse than ever, but I also don't wanna be unhappy. I really want to do something that I will LOVE to do, something that will matter and make me happy. Because if I'm happy, I'm not as nervous and bitchy then. At least I'm not bitching and taking it on my friends and family.
I feel like I keep knocking on the wrong doors and I am so. fucking. tired. of it (I said that already didn't I?). I don't wanna give up on my own promise, but I seriously need to go away somewhere to breathe in some fresh air, and get inspiration that I've been lacking of, and maybe then, I will find the right door to knock on. And maybe then I won't get so easily annoyed by the little things. Do you think there's a way not to get nervous as much? Or is that just a part of who we are as a person if we have that in us?
Just to be clear, there are a lot of times when I'm righteously annoyed and pissed because people are unclear or late, and when it comes to those two, there is no excuse! I'm "worried" for all the other reasons I get nervous about.
The only place I don't get nervous at, is the boxing gym. That's a place where I can really forget about everything that's going on outside the gym and just enjoy in the sweating, and the peace in my head. It's really hard to focus on anything other than boxing when I'm down there. Amazing actually, because again, if you know me, you know my mind is constantly thinking and overthinking about way too many things.
On that note, I just got back from the gym where I blew up some steam (that's right, I can ryhme ;p) and it's one of the best ways to start a day! I wish you all a great and fun Wednesday, and feel free to give me any advice on how to hold back at snaping at people because I'm being nervous, and if some of you are like me, please share how you deal with all of that so I'll know I'm not the only one! :)
Talk to you soooon, xox
And P.S. I hope you don't think of me as some kind of monster now, I'm actually a nice person. Untill you piss me off :p